Dear Sweet Momma of Littles,
“The days are long, but the years are short.”
”This too shall pass.”
”You’re going to miss this.”
”It goes so fast.”
These phrases are often said by well-meaning veteran mothers. However true and well intended, they are rarely helpful.
YOU Mama, are in the trenches of motherhood. This is FACT!! Your desire to get a full night’s sleep, have your body back, and figure out what the hell that sticky stuff is in your hair is REAL! This season is messy on so many levels and I am here to tell you it is OK and you will get through this.
I am that mom that is watching you as you wrangle your toddler to sit in his seat and eat his dinner at the restaurant. I am not watching you with eyes full of judgment, I am watching you with eyes full of tears in remembrance and I am in awe of your strength.
I am no expert on this topic, but if you can spare a few minutes I would love to give you a little bit of advice from a ‘been there, survived that’ perspective.
LET GO OF THE WORRY. No one cares that you have dishes in your sink from last Tuesday. Your kids will not remember if they have fish sticks and Mac n’ cheese for dinner 3 nights in a row. That stain will probably not come out of the carpet, so stop trying. Your body just assisted God in one of his everyday miracles and it is beautiful no matter what the stretch marks are saying to you in the mirror. If peanut butter doesn’t get that sticky stuff out of your hair, then embrace the messy bun trend!
ASK FOR HELP. Call your mom, your sister, or your bestie, and ask them to take your kids for a few hours. Enjoy a hot bath. Take that nap. Binge watch anything that’s not animated and have a nice glass of wine.
FIND YOUR PEOPLE. Connect with the moms at Storytime at the Library. Find a Mommy n’ Me playgroup. Join a MOPS group. Start up a conversation with other moms at the park. Go to a women’s bible study. Find your people! I cannot stress this enough. Motherhood can be isolating if you don’t make the effort to connect with other moms. You NEED them. Your kids NEED this too. It takes a village to raise a child and that starts with building your tribe! AND when you find that tribe…be authentic with them. Don’t compare yourself to them. Don’t shrink or puff up. Just be YOU! That will give them the freedom to do the same and your relationship will forever be stronger because of this!
SPEND TIME IN YOUR KIDS WORLD. This is a big one that will reap benefits for years to come. Watch their favorite TV shows. Get to know their friends AND their friends' parents. Listen to their music. Learn their lingo…yes it will make you look and feel super old, but it matters. Volunteer in their classrooms and at their school. Chaperone that field trip. Learn how to use social media (there are so many reasons for this you’ll thank me for later). Cultivate relationships with their teachers and principals. As your kids get older the time spent in their world will open doors, give you insight, and open communication lines with your kids and others that you would never be able to have if you don’t invest in these little things along the way.
BE WHERE YOUR FEET ARE. YES this season is hard and messy and all the things. BUT it is true…you will miss this. It does go by fast. The days ARE long and the years ARE short! So be where your feet are. If they are stepping over a pile of laundry, accept the fact that laundry is truly never EVER done. If they are wearing different shoes today cuz’ your morning was pure chaos, laugh about it. If they brought you to the principal's office for the third time this week, breathe and know that you are your kids’ biggest advocate. If they are standing in a cold shower, try to embrace the new ‘cold plunge’ health craze. No matter where you find yourself…be there and be present. THIS I promise you will NEVER regret!
GIVE YOURSELF SOME GRACE. It’s ok to cry. It’s ok to feel defeated. It’s ok to laugh when it is all too much. It’s ok to want more for your kids. It’s ok to take time for you. It’s ok to ask for help. It’s ok to call and audible and change plans. It’s ok to say NO. It’s ok to say YES. Remember that failure is the first step to success. Change the lens you are looking through, see all the things you are doing and not just the list of what you are not doing. This is easier said than done…trust me, but you have to try. My favorite quote, “Behind every successful child is a mother pretty sure she’s screwing it all up.” is great because it is so true. Ironically it’s also what makes you a GREAT mom. You wake up everyday striving to do better, to grow personally, and that takes grit and determination. Celebrate that shit whether you hit the mark today or not. Your TRY is worth celebrating! You deserve grace from yourself as much as you do everyone else.
GET AWAY ONCE IN AWHILE. It doesn’t have to be to a 5 star luxury resort, unless of course you can, then hell yes do this! But just take time away at least once a year. Take a girls trip. Women’s retreat. A long weekend away with the hubs. A mother/daughter trip with your mom. A solo overnight spa weekend. Whatever floats your boat…get away and recharge. This is sooo good for your soul and it is even better for the other humans living in your house to be able to survive without you being at their beck and call.
Mom guilt is a REAL thing and it has no business being in your business! THIS is no joke! The struggle is SOOO real! Guilt is THE most useless emotion on the planet. Stop it! Get your nails done. Take that nap. Book that massage. Schedule a girls night out. Buy the damn shoes! Go see a movie without your kids. Ask for a minute to yourself. These are NOT things we should feel guilty about…but we often do. Girl…LET THAT SHIT GO!
Motherhood is not for the faint of heart. God has given you everything you need for this journey you are on. It is beautiful and rewarding, but it is also messy and hard as hell. Be gentle with yourself. Be patient with yourself. Stop stressing about the little things. Remember what matters. Be where your feet are. Find your people. And don’t forget to breathe!
Look at my face…Mama YOU are doing a great job! There is no one better suited to be your kids’ mom other than YOU! You are imperfectly perfect for everything they need!
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