A Letter To My Girls...

A Letter to My Girls

Savannah and Randi Jo,

Oh sweet girls…being your Mama has been my greatest privilege. It hasn’t always been easy, but it has been the most incredible ride I’ve ever been on. 

We have a beautiful life. It’s messy, and imperfect, and down right chaotic some days, but I wouldn’t change one single day of it.

I was very intentional to not wish away any of your childhood stages or my seasons of motherhood. I wanted to appreciate each of them for what they were, even the terrible 2’s and 3’s and 4’s…. However, I am not going to lie, you won’t see me shed one tear when I don’t have to sell another tub of cookie dough or butter braid again. I have parented you through the lens of a Motherless Mother and what I had hoped my relationship with my mom would have been. It was never my intention for that to be a burden to you or to make either of you feel as if you had shoes to fill. It was just how my heart led me.

There are days I worried I overused the words “I Love You”, “I’m Proud of You”, and “You’re Beautiful”, but I know how short life can be and I wanted to pour as much love as I could into you both every single day and I know what it can do to a young girl when those words aren’t spoken. I have prayed for years for a big house with Pottery Barn style bedrooms for each of you along with a big beautiful wrap around porch to take all your Homecoming and Prom pictures on and a sprawling backyard for your friends to spend time in. I may not have had that porch, but the time spent in your rooms together getting ready for those high school dances are truly some of my favorite moments EVER. Instead of a big sprawling backyard full of teenagers, I have a kitchen full of them on donut day (sometimes even a random Tuesday) and numerous Happy Mother’s Day Mama Owens texts from them all. 

One lesson I have learned is that the size of the house does not always equal the size of the love inside of it. I often wished we had a bigger kitchen and maybe a dishwasher, but I believe there’s something magical in our little kitchen. I wouldn’t trade a fully renovated, rustic, open concept, complete with island and eat in kitchen by Joanna Gaines herself for even one of our kitchen dance parties. And I am certain we could achieve world peace if opposing world leaders would just come do the dishes with us.  The conversations we’ve had and the connections we made while standing at that sink are some of the memories I am most grateful for. Our vehicles haven’t been fancy, but man we have had some epic car karaoke sessions. And don’t get me started on our tiny single bathroom…somehow we supernaturally navigated 3 girls (plus poor Daddy) simultaneously getting ready in that little bathroom every single morning. I loved the days we had to do our hair in the same mirror and I am convinced the back of my hair will never look right again once Randi goes to college cuz’ there is no one to ‘check the back of my hair’ every morning. (My eyes just automatically filled with tears as I wrote that last sentence…) Oh what a gift these small moments have been to me.

I didn’t know much about being a mom, when I became one, but I knew I wanted to build 3 things into our life. 

1. I wanted to be home with you girls when you were little. 
2. I knew I wanted to be there everyday when you got out of school. 
3. I wanted to travel with you. 

I wanted to be present for all the firsts when you were little. This required a lot of sacrifice and wasn’t always easy, but it was always worth it. I wanted to be your safe place at the end of your day. I wanted to help you unpack your day, whatever that looked like. And I wanted you to experience new places, and meet amazing people along the way. And I wanted you to be exposed to new cultures and beliefs. I wanted to push you out of your comfort zone in unfamiliar places because I believe that’s where true growth happens. I wanted you girls to learn that it’s the people in this world that give our lives color. The families we encountered at the many campgrounds we went to, the Veteran Biker group we met in South Dakota, the Venezuelans in Mexico, and who could forget Rod, our tow truck driver in Texas. We traveled fancy-like on our Disney Cruise, learned that Silent Disco is our favorite resort past time in Cancun, and Siri is a terrible navigator. You both fell in love with Maine the same way I had years before. We discovered LA traffic is definitely as terrible as everyone says it is and California isn’t all what it's cracked up to be, and Texas…who could forget our short unintended residency in Texas (still one of my favorite trips, even though you all would disagree). 

I have stumbled and made so many mistakes along the way. “Show Mom” yelled a little too loud and a little too often during Fair Week, but the lessons learned, relationships built, and memories made for all of us, (plus the watermelon salsa), is a season I look back on with overwhelming gratitude. I had no idea what to do when I brought Savannah home from the hospital, but I found the most amazing group of ladies to walk beside me in that season. We’ve eaten our family dinners on TV trays for the past 3 years because ‘Mom’s Office’ took over the dining room table, but your belief and support in what I am doing is what keeps me going on my hard days. I wasn’t sure how to have 2 kids, let alone girls, since I was an only. Yet, when Randi was born my love just doubled in size. One of my GREATEST joys has been watching your relationship over the years grow into a beautiful friendship. THAT is rare and it is a gift. Cherish it, protect it, and don’t take it for granted. It is precious.

I pray you remember a home filled with love and laughter. That you see it as a safe place and a retreat you can always come to. And I hope the ceiling of my motherhood story will be the floor to which you will build yours.

Thank you for our mom & daughter Monday lunches. Thank you for the coffee dates. Thank you for the last minute Target runs. Thank you for teaching me the words to the songs. Thank you for sharing your fashion and make-up tips and tricks. Thank you for choosing our relationship. Thank you for believing in my dreams. Thank you for being patient with me when I needed it. Thank you for trusting me with your heart. Thank you girls for being the best friends a Mama can ask for. You have both grown into incredible humans and I am beyond proud of each of you.

There are a lot of broken dreams, regrets, coulda, woulda, shouldas, and what ifs that fill my mind some days. I pray that when you look back on your childhood you don’t see the holes that my Mama heart sometimes does. I hope you see laughter, and silliness, and adventures, and singing, and dancing, and a whole lotta love. 

I can’t wait to see what our adventures together will look like in this next season.

I love you MORE!

Love, 

Mom