Motherhood is hard no matter how you slice it for a myriad of reasons. However, I have had the privilege of walking beside a handful of incredible Single Mamas over the years and WOWSERS, these beautiful Superhumans inspire me everyday. I find myself standing in awe of their fortitude, strength, and overall grit!
Being a single mom often comes with a negative connotation of sorts and I want to do my part to change that narrative. When they are single due to a loss of a spouse, they are looked upon with pity. If they are single due to divorce, they are often viewed as broken. And those that are single AND moms by choice, are seen as crazy and often asked, ‘Why?’.
No matter what the reasoning is behind their story, they are true SUPERHEROES! Juggling it all, wearing all the hats, and being the be-all-end-all for their kids is as simple as climbing Mt. Everest.
I asked a few of my Single Mama friends some general questions about their experience and I was overwhelmed how similar their responses were. These ladies do not know each other and come from a variety of backgrounds.
ALL THE THINGS:
Single Mamas are truly the keeper of all the things. They juggle all the balls, all day, every day, The never ending mom taxi, the homework, parent teacher conferences, meals, bills, laundry, doctor’s appointments, shopping, etc. etc. etc. They do not get to tag in a partner or tap out when they get tired. Many of these mamas have great support systems on their team, however no one has the equal level of investment they do.
BUT even though these tenacious warriors hold all of the things on their shoulders, they also say that one of the best parts of being a single mom is the bond they have with their kids. I have seen it many times and it is a unique soul-type of bond that breeds strength and draws them closer. It is truly special.
WHAT THEY WISH OTHERS KNEW:
When I asked these bravely vulnerable ladies what they wish others knew about their journey, each and every one of them said,”‘How lonely it can be.”
They are rarely alone, yet it's a lonely walk for many single moms out there. With every big decision, financial burden, or hard season — it’s 100% on them to decide which way to go. There’s no one to bounce ideas off of, to help with homework, or help carry the burden of the day to day grind of parenting.
They can’t do it all. Even though from our sideline perspective it appears that they do, there are many things they just simply have to say ‘No’ to. Whether it's because of financial limitations or just pure energy depletion, even superheroes have to take a rain check from time to time.
Many of these mamas have made the choice to be single for a variety of reasons. This alone carries a huge stigma. What we don’t always see is that sometimes that choice was made to protect their kids from an abusive or toxic environment. This does not mean they are broken or have failed their children even though it's a daily struggle for them to not think that of themselves.
Sometimes that choice is because they want to be a mom so badly and the love for a child they have not met yet is what gives them all the strength they need to endure the adoption roller coaster or just 1 more IVF procedure. They are not crazy for choosing to do this motherhood thing alone, they are powered by a beautiful and overwhelming love.
HOW DO THEY DO IT:
As I watch and listen to their stories, I couldn't help but ask them how they do it! What I loved the most about their answers here is that their list was long. Which in turn means that each of these incredibly busy, overworked, and overwhelmed women are actually choosing to fill their cup every now and then.
Some of the ladies credit their dog for being a loyal companion. A few said that a great playlist of ‘good mood’ music does that trick for them on their hard days. Many of these women have a deep faith in God and they let him guide and carry the load with them. They give themselves the grace to cry, to lose it sometimes, and to breathe when they can. However, each and every one of these amazing women stated that they had a wonderful support system surrounding them. From other mom friends to wonderful families, they have a tribe they can vent to, get advice from, and send smoke signals to when it all gets too much.
Each and every one of these incredible mamas are focused on their end goal to raise good citizens of the world. We see them as incredibly strong and tenacious, but as one beautiful single mama put it, “My determination isn’t because I am strong - it’s because I love them so damn much (even when they drive me crazy).”
So I am going to leave you all with this:
To the NON single mamas, let’s be gentle with our assumptions and judgements of the single mamas in our world. Instead let’s surround them with love and support and become a part of their village. Take their kids for an afternoon, make them a meal, invite them out for a girls night, and let’s be a safe space for them.
To the amazing single mamas, YOU are doing great things every single day for your kids. Remember that sometimes strength looks like a waterfall of tears and asking for help is not a sign of weakness. We are not only sitting here cheering you on, but we are also able to help you carry your load when you need an extra set of hands.
As Troy Bolton once put it, “We’re all in this together!” — and I think we make a pretty good team!
Thank you. 😭❤️
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